Are you regretting a divorce from your ex-husband or ex-wife? Divorce is a decision often made during an overwhelming period of emotion and personal complexity, and it can sometimes leave people with a lingering sense of regret once the dust begins to settle. Research suggests that at least 50% of people who chose to divorce regretted that decision after the fact, and according to a 2016 survey by AVVO, 32% of participants formally expressed regret. In Australia, where 47,216 divorces were granted in 2024 — the lowest crude divorce rate in 50 years — the experience of regretting a divorce remains far more common than most people expect.
If you are one of the many people grappling with feelings of remorse and wondering whether you made the right decision, this article is for you.
Why So Many People Experience Regret After Divorce
Regretting a divorce is a common and profoundly emotional experience, often surfacing when the initial pain subsides or loneliness sets in. According to survey data, approximately 27% of women and 32% of men experience regret after a divorce, and some studies place the overall figure even higher — a Daily Mail survey found as many as 50% of respondents reported having second thoughts about their decision.
Statistical data also suggests that this figure can rise significantly depending on the circumstances. At least one-third of people regret their marriage dissolution overall, but that number climbs to around 80% for those who felt the divorce could have been prevented with more effort from both parties. Self-blame and guilt are common feelings in the aftermath, with many individuals wondering whether they could have done more to save the marriage.
One person in an online divorce forum captured it simply: “I regret it. After being separated for nearly three years, my true feelings were suppressed by anger that the effort wasn’t there.” This is a pattern therapists and family lawyers see regularly — regret often only becomes visible after the immediate emotional storm has passed.
The Most Common Reasons for Regretting Divorce
The reasons for regretting a divorce can be multifaceted and deeply personal. Some of the most common include:
- Impulsive decision-making: Divorce decisions made in the heat of conflict, without fully considering long-term consequences, often lead to regret when calmer reflection sets in.
- Insufficient effort or counselling: Many individuals feel they did not exhaust all available avenues — including couples counselling or mediation — before filing for divorce.
- Unresolved conflict and emotional baggage: When core issues are not properly addressed, they can follow a person into subsequent relationships. Some people only recognise the true source of the problem when they see the same patterns repeat with a new partner.
- Appreciation realised too late: Many individuals who experience divorce regret wish they had expressed more appreciation for their partner during the relationship, only recognising their value after the separation.
It is important to acknowledge that regret is a natural part of the grieving process and does not necessarily mean the decision to divorce was wrong. Rather, it can serve as a catalyst for meaningful personal growth and self-awareness.
How Divorce Regret Affects Children — and Parents
One of the most powerful drivers of post-divorce regret is the impact on children. Parents often underestimate the effect of divorce on their children, both in the immediate term and over the long term. Divorce can cause extreme and long-lasting grief, anger, anxiety, guilt, and depression in children — and when parents see this unfold over years, the regret can become particularly intense.
A significant number of parents express regret over their divorce specifically because of the emotional pain it has caused their children. This highlights the critical importance of factoring children’s wellbeing into the decision-making process before filing for divorce. Divorce proceedings in Australia do prioritise the best interests of children in all parenting matters, but the emotional weight carried by parents after the fact is a real and often underestimated consequence.
Legal Requirements for Divorce in Australia
In Australia, divorce is governed by the Family Law Act 1975. To be eligible, you must meet the following requirements:
- You must have been separated from your spouse for at least 12 months
- You must be an Australian citizen or have lived in Australia for at least 12 months before filing
- You must hold the view that the marriage has irretrievably broken down with no prospect of reconciliation
Applications are made through the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. Once a divorce order is granted, it becomes final after a period of one month and one day.
Section 57 of the Family Law Act 1975
What many people do not realise is that if you reconcile with your spouse before the divorce order becomes final, you can apply to have the order rescinded. Section 57 of the Family Law Act 1975 allows both parties to jointly apply to cancel the divorce order, provided they do so within one month and one day of the order being made. Both parties must provide evidence of their reconciliation and confirm their wish to remain married.
Section 50 of the Family Law Act 1975
Section 50 of the Family Law Act addresses the resumption of cohabitation. If a separated couple resumes living together for up to three months and then separates again, that period of cohabitation will not be counted towards the required 12-month separation period. However, the periods of separation before and after the cohabitation can be added together to reach the minimum required period.
Are You Considering Reconciliation After Divorce?
If you are regretting a divorce and wish to reconcile with your former spouse, several options are available. The first and most important step is to have an open and honest conversation with your former spouse about your feelings and your desire to rebuild the relationship. Approaching this conversation with genuine openness — rather than assumptions about the outcome — is essential.
If both parties are open to reconciliation, a relationship counsellor or mediator can help you work through the issues that contributed to the separation and develop practical strategies for moving forward. The key caveat offered by experienced family lawyers is this: the further into the divorce process and property settlement you are, the more complicated reconciliation becomes. Taking it slowly and seeking legal advice early is strongly advisable.
Reconciliation is a viable but challenging path that requires significant mutual effort and personal growth from both individuals. It is not a decision to be made lightly or in a moment of loneliness.
If reconciliation is not possible, other meaningful paths forward include:
- Pursuing new hobbies or interests
- Developing new friendships and connections
- Exploring new career opportunities
- Engaging the support of a therapist or divorce recovery coach
Coping With Regret After Divorce: Practical Steps
Regretting a divorce is emotionally challenging. Processing these emotions in a healthy way is essential for moving forward rather than remaining stuck in the past. Here are some practical strategies:
- Reflect on the “whys and whats”: Understanding why the divorce happened and what role each party played is a crucial first step in coping with regret and avoiding the same patterns in the future.
- Open communication: An honest conversation with your former spouse about your feelings can provide genuine clarity for both parties, regardless of whether reconciliation follows.
- Seek professional support: Therapists and divorce recovery coaches can help you uncover the reasons for your regret, clarify your options, and develop a path forward that is grounded in self-understanding rather than reactive emotion.
- Focus on personal growth: Engaging in self-care activities — including regular sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet — is crucial for psychological resilience after a divorce. Establishing new daily routines can provide stability by filling the void left by old marital habits.
- Avoid self-blame: Divorce is a complex process that involves two people. It is essential to treat yourself with compassion rather than guilt, and to seek help if feelings of hopelessness persist.
- Think about your children: If you are a parent, keep your children’s emotional needs central as you navigate your own healing. Seeking co-parenting support or child-focused mediation can make a significant difference.
Moving forward after a divorce means giving yourself time to heal and focusing on personal growth, which can include learning new communication skills and building healthier foundations for any future relationship.
How JB Solicitors Can Help With Divorce Regrets
Are you regretting a divorce from your first wife or first husband? Is this not the first time you have been through this process, and you are concerned about the legal implications for your current situation or relationship? JB Solicitors, a leading family law firm in Australia, offers comprehensive and compassionate assistance to individuals navigating the complexities of divorce regret.
Our experienced team can help you understand your legal options under the Family Law Act, explore potential avenues for reconciliation, and ensure that your rights are fully protected throughout the process. If reconciliation does not prove possible, we will guide you through the divorce process with care and transparency, so that each party can move forward with peace of mind.
Contact us today if you are regretting a divorce and need clear, practical legal advice.
Frequently Asked Questions: Regret After Divorce
How common is regret after divorce in Australia?
Regret after divorce is very common. Surveys suggest that at least one-third of divorced people regret their decision, and some studies place this figure closer to 50%. In a 2016 AVVO survey, 27% of women and 32% of men reported regretting their divorce.
Can you stop a divorce from going through in Australia?
Yes. Under Section 57 of the Family Law Act 1975, both parties can jointly apply to rescind a divorce order before it becomes final. This application must be made within one month and one day of the order being made, and the parties must provide evidence of reconciliation.
What happens if you get back together with your spouse during the separation period?
Under Section 50 of the Family Law Act 1975, if a separated couple resumes cohabitation for up to three months before separating again, that period will not be counted towards the required 12-month separation. The periods of separation before and after the reconciliation attempt can still be added together.
Who regrets divorce more, men or women?
Research suggests that men tend to report slightly higher rates of regret. A 2016 AVVO survey found that 32% of men and 27% of women reported regretting their divorce. However, these numbers are likely conservative, as many people do not openly disclose these feelings.
Is reconciliation after divorce realistic?
Reconciliation is a genuine option but requires significant and mutual effort from both parties. It is most realistic when both individuals acknowledge the issues that led to the divorce, commit to professional support, and approach the process without pressure or urgency. A family lawyer can advise on the legal implications depending on how far the divorce proceedings have progressed.
Will feelings of divorce regret go away?
Yes, for most people regret does ease over time. Regret is typically strongest in the early period after divorce but tends to reduce as individuals adjust to new routines, build new connections, and regain confidence. Therapy and structured support significantly accelerate this process.
Should I contact a lawyer if I am having second thoughts about my divorce?
Yes. Whether you are considering stopping the divorce before it is finalised, exploring reconciliation while legal proceedings are underway, or simply seeking clarity about your rights, a family lawyer can give you accurate and timely advice. Acting promptly matters, particularly if the divorce order has already been made, as there is a strict time window for rescission under Section 57.
Can regretting a divorce lead to personal growth?
Absolutely. Many people who experience divorce regret ultimately use it as a catalyst for meaningful self-reflection and change. Acknowledging and exploring these emotions — rather than suppressing them — often leads to greater self-awareness, stronger communication skills, and healthier relationships in the future
